A Muslim .. Converting to Islam (1)

Last Ramadan (yes, that one that went too fast) I watched the stories of a lot of people who converted to Islam. I couldn't help but feel envious. The serenity in their voices and in their smiles made me wonder why am I different? What do they see that I don't? How can they be so sure about things that are hidden "Ghayb"?

People around me have been telling me that anyone coming out from a dark room would appreciate the light more than anyone else. Who ever said that we -Muslims- aren't in a dark room?! We are SO far from the teachings of our religion! It's dark and we're not searching for the light because we're too busy stumbling over each other.

Anyway, I decided to follow in their footsteps and get to know Islam from the beginning. So I started searching for books that introduce Islam. Someone recommended Islam: Religion of Life by AbdulWadood Shalaby. I felt so overwhelmed! The first chapter was about the testimonies (Shahadatayn) and how they should affect real life.. things I never knew and never thought of! Then, I started to get a little bored because the rest of the book was about the stuff that we were taught in primary school. STOP! This way I'm never going to reach my goal .. of having that strong faith. I want to be so convinced by this religion to the degree that I would be 100% sure that even if I hadn't been born a Muslim, I would've converted to Islam.

I tried to forget all I know about my life and my religion. This was the hardest part of it. There were questions.. my heart would skip a beat when I asked myself those questions. Partly because I'm emotional in addition to the instability of thinking in teens, I felt lost!

But then I was saved. Moez Massoud and Fadel Soliman focused this year on the fact that it is ok to question as long as you're open to all the answers and willing to admit the right even if it's against your wish!

I haven't reached where I want to be.. but I'm walking.. or more accurately speaking, crawling!

I need your prayers! :)

Above

The plane started moving and I started playing the play-list on my cell phone. Honestly, I didn't actually listen to anything because I was already preoccupied with the take-off and whether we are going to crash as my optimistic friend promised or not.

When the plane successfully took off – whew! – I still wasn't listening. Even though I've been on a plane many many times and my brothers and sisters have always generously allowed me to have the window seat, this time was different.

I've never been taken to this degree by how things grow smaller and smaller very quickly. But that's not the big deal! The plane flew over the suburbs of Alexandria, parts of Cairo and Al-Fayyoum. All those little houses, tiny cars, invisible people.. and that's just parts of 3 cities in Egypt. If you want to enjoy your flight it's not wise to try to count or even estimate the people and houses you fly over.. but wise was never my word!

Human beings can do statistics. They can count the number of people, and maybe the sum of money they earn. They reach to the 'estimate' of the world population with extreme difficulty; reaching the real figure is definitely mission impossible.

But imagine.. try to imagine.. that each.. and every person.. that the plane flew over their heads.. has their complete life planned. Don't move to the next sentence until you 'really' imagine that each individual.. has their complete.. life.. planned: Where will he go? How will he go? Who does he want to meet? Who will he meet? How will he act? How will the other person react? How will he feel? What will he decide? That is in the frame of one hour. His whole life is planned this way. Each individual has a detailed plan by God. Widen the circle: it's not just Cairo, Alexandria and AlFayyoum.. each individual in the whole world! Can you imagine? *SubhanAllah*

What's more, how precise, coherent and AMAZING is the interaction between the lives or the plans of these individuals. Again.. imagine.. try to imagine... that today in one the hospitals of Cairo, a young nurse was really helpful to an old man. He was going to stop taking medication and let his case get worse because the healthcare system is run by a bunch of merciless vampires. However, the nurse's attitude made him think that this decision is perhaps a little too impulsive. He thanked her so much like no patient ever did before and that gave her a positive push that made her work till the end of the week with a gush of positive energy. SubhanAllah and Alhamdulillah.. God was behind this plan.

Imagine again.. that today, in of the small streets of Al-Fayyoum, Mamdouh met Fawzy. Fawzy was very cruel to Mamdouh. They fought. They both went home. Fullstop. So? So, this was a test for both sides. Fawzy should have been cooler and Mamdouh should have been more patient. If both men decide to spend some time thinking of the 'higher' reason behind the appearance of this 'foreign individual' in their plan, they might actually learn something from life.

It's pretty difficult to remain focused on the higher reasons in such a quick-paced life but it's a must to take a break every now one and then and look at things from 'above'. And that is when I finally noticed that Sami Yusuf has been telling me:

"There’s something deep inside
Something that’s calling
It’s calling you and I
It’s taking us up “high”
To healing...

...Hearts in the hand of another heart and in God’s hand are all hearts!"

Oh! We landed already?! Wow! Planes can take your imagination up high sometimes!