A Muslim .. Converting to Islam (1)

Last Ramadan (yes, that one that went too fast) I watched the stories of a lot of people who converted to Islam. I couldn't help but feel envious. The serenity in their voices and in their smiles made me wonder why am I different? What do they see that I don't? How can they be so sure about things that are hidden "Ghayb"?

People around me have been telling me that anyone coming out from a dark room would appreciate the light more than anyone else. Who ever said that we -Muslims- aren't in a dark room?! We are SO far from the teachings of our religion! It's dark and we're not searching for the light because we're too busy stumbling over each other.

Anyway, I decided to follow in their footsteps and get to know Islam from the beginning. So I started searching for books that introduce Islam. Someone recommended Islam: Religion of Life by AbdulWadood Shalaby. I felt so overwhelmed! The first chapter was about the testimonies (Shahadatayn) and how they should affect real life.. things I never knew and never thought of! Then, I started to get a little bored because the rest of the book was about the stuff that we were taught in primary school. STOP! This way I'm never going to reach my goal .. of having that strong faith. I want to be so convinced by this religion to the degree that I would be 100% sure that even if I hadn't been born a Muslim, I would've converted to Islam.

I tried to forget all I know about my life and my religion. This was the hardest part of it. There were questions.. my heart would skip a beat when I asked myself those questions. Partly because I'm emotional in addition to the instability of thinking in teens, I felt lost!

But then I was saved. Moez Massoud and Fadel Soliman focused this year on the fact that it is ok to question as long as you're open to all the answers and willing to admit the right even if it's against your wish!

I haven't reached where I want to be.. but I'm walking.. or more accurately speaking, crawling!

I need your prayers! :)