Let Your Heart Expand

"You know, but I think your heart grows back bigger. You know? Once you get the shit beat out of you. And, um, the universe lets your heart expand that way, and I think that's the function of all this pain and heartache that you go through and you gotta go through that to come out to a better place and that's how I see it, anyway."
- Must Love Dogs (2005)

This movie quote caught my attention but I wasn't able to fully understand it or embrace it until my biology teacher explained how some antibiotics work.

Some antibiotics kill the bacteria by weakening the bacterial cell wall. How?

According to my teacher, there's an enzyme that punches holes into the stiff wall of the bacterial cell wall allowing the cell to expand or increase in size. Then, another enzyme, transpeptidase, does the healing of these holes. The antibiotics stop the healing process so the holes cause the weakening of the wall so the cell "bursts".

If the pain or the suffering you've gone through are that enzyme that dug holes into your heart (the cell wall), this allows your heart to expand. However, it is unlikely that you'll burst because, in this case, the transpeptidase or the healing enzyme is God's mercy... and it's endless! Alhamdulilah! God sends people to help you out and signs to keep you going.

But what exactly is the expansion of the heart? Personally, I believe that most of our thoughts in the normal state are categorised under "what I want". But after any intense experience, it's as if a process of automatic prioritisation takes place; our thoughts get classified under what's important, what's more important and what's not important at all. We begin to look at life from an absolutely different perspective. This leads to a state of satisfaction with what God has given you.

Also, in pain lies purification. After every trouble or ordeal, one begins to think: “What have I ever done to deserve this?” If I'm truly frank with myself, I will find many flaws to improve. Of course, linking pain to personal mistakes is not quite right; pain is a key ingredient in life and the sooner we accept that, the sooner we'll be able to heal ourselves. However, even if I'm back to my balance, I should still have traces of the “I wanna be better” thought. This, to me, is purification.

[ satisfaction + purification = expansion ]

In the end, the best thing about hard times is that .. they do pass. Feel the mercy, thank The Merciful and let your heart expand.
=)

The Alien from Neptune

We always say “As a human being you should sympathise with people around you and offer them comfort.” OK! That's great! We always say that assuming that the human being is the most civilised creature. But.. what if.. only if.. there was a better choice?

Every human being is the centre of his/her own universe. It's absolutely normal. That doesn't mean they are “self-centred”. What determines selfishness and its vice is the distance from the centre at which you place people and whether you see them in full dimensions; not just a moving bulk of flesh and blood but a container of memories, thought, hope, frustration, love and fear, and a significant creation of God that has its glow and its flaw.

If Aicha is in trouble and Enas wishes to help her, Enas starts asking herself: 

“Has ENAS done enough for AICHA?” 

“Has ENAS made AICHA feel any better?” 

“Has ENAS been a supportive friend to AICHA?”

Awww! That's very sweet and generous of Enas!

NO! It's NOT!

Notice that the name ENAS appears each time before AICHA. Why? Actually, her name should not appear at all! In most cases, even if AICHA does not feel any better, ENAS does not work any harder because ENAS's goal was to “show” support so she does that and even if the results are not favourable, she just stops there. This is about AICHA so ENAS should forget about herself a little.. and this is finally where I get to my point..

What if I -also known as Enas- forget that I'm a human being with full existence and imagine that I am... emmm... an alien from Neptune and that I'm a mere observer of the human condition. All my experience and my human connections serve only as a database of advice that I will use as an alien while trying to comfort my 'human' friend with minimum reference to me, my life, my sorrows, my ANYTHING. I, ME and MY are forbidden to be spoken.. or even thought of!

This will require so much patience. You cannot try this when you're tired, hungry, in a bad mood or when the weather's hot. Aliens don't like summer!

Perfectionist and impossible to apply in real life? Maybe, but I'll have fun trying. Imagining to be a alien from Neptune can never be boring.

I don't claim to be a perfect friend. Frankly, my friends are being extra patient with me and my behaviour all the time [ thank you guys <3 ]. But we all just want to make life easier for each other. :)

The Lady In the Shoe

Written on the 4th of March





There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children, she didn't know what to do.
She gave them some broth, without any bread,
Whipped them all soundly, and sent them to bed.
********************************************

I laughed out loud when I first came across this nursery rhyme. Even though it conveys absolute misery, I laughed, because it's untrue. I know that this person with this suffering does not actually exist.

But wait a minute! This person does exist. SURPRISE! (I feel very proud of myself when I'm able to steal your smile away.)

This person does exist. Actually, there are millions of her. People who watch Amro El Leithy's 'One of the People' [wa7ed mn el nas واحد من الناس] program know it very well. Let's analyse each word...


Old woman:
probably unable to take care of herself or her kids and probably unable to work because of her age.

Shoe:
a small dark smelly place with no electricity, no water and no drainage.

So many children:
that in itself isn't a problem but when associated with poverty and ignorance, it's a disaster. Plus the word "so" gives extra sensation of trouble.

Didn't know what to do:
completely helpless, especially since there's no mention of the husband. He might be dead, imprisoned or at some dirty dump where junkies and drug addicts meet. I'm just guessing!

Without any bread:
that's pretty clear! They will sleep hungry..

Whipped them all soundly:
clear child abuse that is ALWAYS associated with ignorance that leads to drastic psychological impacts on the children who will grow up into insecure unbalanced adults and take it out all on their children. The circle of life!

*********************************************

So this supposed-to-be merry nursery rhyme talks about some 40% of the Egyptian population. Meanwhile, the media is talking about Parliament Rockstar Bakry, Parliament Badboy ElOleimy, police officers who want to grow beards and what Sawiris thinks of it and presedential candidates who are bla bla bla-ing all day. Believe it or not, the MP who said that English should be forbidden takes more attention than Amr Khaled who is trying to educate 50,000 illiterates. SubhanAllah ya Akhi! The more important issues like the old woman in the shoe are like dessert to the media: said very quickly in the beginning or the end. (Take a deep breath..)

*********************************************

May Allah's Mercy befall the hungry, the cold and the sleepless.
May His Mercy (SWT) befall the innocent people of Syria.
May His Mercy (SWT) befall the imprisoned in Palestine.
May His Mercy (SWT) befall us all..


حسبنا الله و نعم الوكيل

The Cement Tree

The green branches of the high trees linked together like crossed hands and allowed the sunlight to penetrate magically and swiftly between their fingers. Those thin rays of light tickled the small particles that danced in the air like glitter after a girls' party. Then the glitter fell on the arched back of an old young man. Old young man? The little spectators of the forest had a debate. The squirrels saw he was old; look at the sluggish movement of his feet and hear the loud wheezing sound of his breathing. The birds defended; he was weak but not old. His face was tired but not wrinkled. He might have seen much pain but not many years.

That weak spine carried a huge heavy cloth bag and struggled with it through the forest until he reached a stream running beside a little clearance where the spring sun shone brightly, at last. He placed the bag down and sat breathlessly beside it. He was surprised by the coolness of the soil, which made him spring into action. He opened the cloth bag and took out a metal container. He piled some cement into it from inside the bag also and approached the stream and did his work of magic. He was a sculptor, or at least he was supposed to be.

He worked for hours and hours, taking very few, very short breaks in between just to wash his face and quench his thirst. The night fell and the stars decorated the dark sky. Beautiful! The stars, the trees, the birds, the crickets, they are there all the time, but we do not seem to notice them unless we're told that it's the last time. He sighed loudly when he remembered the doctor's prophecy that the old young man wouldn't be alive when summer arrives, at most.

This went on for around a week. The birds wondered: how can a young man be so skilful?! The squirrels wondered: How can an old man be able to persevere all these days alone in the forest?! And they both Oohed and Aahed when they saw the amazing work of art. A cement tree! Cement branches with cement leaves with carved veins. He made a hole that crossed the diameter of the trunk and as the spring breeze oozed through it and played a magical tune like a sound from heaven.

He carved some sentences all around the trunk.
“Hopefully, you will be having a relaxing break from the hectic life out there and will be lured by the cement flute in here to find me laying dead. Don't panic! Don't worry! Just bury me here. Make this cement tree my cemetery. I never feared leaving. I feared not leaving a mark before I leave. There it stands; my mark, my fulfilment, my work of art, my passion that I was born with but only dared to carry out when I was about to die. I might have lived like all people do but I died differently. You still have a chance to “live” differently. Don't leave this clearance before the night falls and have a little conversation with the stars. They miss you. They will change your life. This tree knows no seasons. It will stand and sing all year long. Peace.”

Grandpa

I was finally able to clearly communicate with one of the people who live inside of me. He's an old man, an annoying one too.

"You know, I never expected that an old man would be in me, since, you know, I'm a girl and I'm .. younger." I said between pauses, not knowing how exactly I should be talking to this 'person'.

"Of course, you are young and ignorant," he rudely replied. "How do you, foolish girl, think you like Um Kolthoum? Why do you think you hate shopping? Why do you think you hate Justin Bieber? That's me! That's all me!" 

"Well, thank you very much for that, but I'm just wondering if I'm 17, how can you be.. How old did you say you were?"

"I'm as old as the journey of the river. I'm as old as the blaze of the sun," he said dramatically.

I looked at him, utterly clueless..

"It's because of me that you like poetry, by the way," he paused. "Stop staring, you anaemic! OK! OK! I'm 78!" he screamed..

UGH! He's sooo rude! He's going to die soon anyway!

"And you aren't brave enough to say that to my face?"

My God! Of course he can read my mind! He lives IN my mind! I blushed..

"For your information, foolish girl, I was born the day you were born and I will die the day you die. Unlike you, I was born old. I was born 78. I'll always be 78. I'll keep on calling you (foolish girl) until you're 78 just like me, only then can we get along together," he explained.

"Wait, wait, wait!" I said "I don't remember ever hearing you when I was 10 for example."

"Well of course, foolish girl, I was there but I was not loud enough. No one could beat that squeaky voice that kept on screaming BARBIE! BARBIE!"

"Oh! You met her? Oh! I miss her!" I said in a nostalgic tone.

"Yes! I met her. I think I might have killed her." he said and my jaws dropped in a shock.
"I'm just kidding, you foolish girl!"

At this point I was very grateful to meet the 'voice' that made me hate shopping .. aaand Bieber. However, that was quite enough!

"Sooo.. emmm.. it's been a pleasure... emmm.. maybe... emm.. we'd do this again...later.. OH! I forgot to ask.. what's your name?"

"Foolish girl! I'm Yu!"
"Cute name! What's that? Chinese?"
"No! Foolish girl! I'm YOU! YOU! YOOOU!" He pointed at me with all his fingers..
"Ooookeey! You're me! Goodbye Mr. Me! Mr. You! AAAH WHATEVER!"

Then I decided to call him Grandpa.. 

My Dream - 7el.me

Put your dream on a cloud and let dreamers push it forward

That's the kind of sentence my godmother would tell me , if I were in a fairy tale..

But hey! Who doesn't want to live a fairy tale anyway?

Then you should thank 7el.me because now you can actually post your dream on a cloud and let other dreamers push it..

We were always told that step no.1 in achieving a dream is writing it down. I used to write my dreams on a piece of paper. Somehow, this paper used to end up being torn or burnt according to the intensity of the frustration. (I once stuck pins in it! Imagine?)

On 7el.me you cannot burn or tear. Even if you feel frustrated, and you log on to 7el.me and watch those clouds swiftly crossing your screen, you'll definitely feel 're-charged'. This is a place where's it's legal to have a dream and where there's nothing funny about being ambitious. Push some dreams! Get your dreams pushed!


Thank you 7el.me!
And congratulations for qualifying with google Ebda2.. May you always be the home of the dreamers.. and the achievers.

The Thrill

"You're gonna miss that interview.. again! You're 27 years old and all you do is hang out with your buddies and come back home at the break of dawn! Get a life, son! Look at your younger brother, he's got a beautiful family and a great job! Why aren't you like him? Why can't you be like him? Your father and I are sick and tired.."


"Good morning, Mom!" I whispered.. " I'm awake now, I swear. I'm awake."


"Son, you know I say all this for your good.."


Yeah! Right! Good!
What an amazing morning, don't you think? I washed my weary eyes and looked at the mirror.. Mom is right.. 27 years went by with no accomplishment other than being the speediest driver among my friends.


How unusual it is for me to dress formally. How do men wear these suits? I feel like my arms and neck are tied.. I rode the elevator down, counted the steps till I reached my car, oh my beautiful car! Gooood morning baby! My heaven is behind that steering wheel! 


I rode to the office. I was stuck in the morning rush hour so I was 10 minutes late to the interview.. and interviewers are never satisfied with this excuse. I wasn't expecting any more than "Thank you very much. We will call you to inform you in case you're accepted."
In case... Thank you!
I removed my tie and jacket! Oooh! I can breathe now! It was 10am by now which means the streets are nearly empty and I'm feeling very fast and furious-ish. 


There are some rules to get the best thrill..
First, roll down your window. The air is an essential element.
Second, turn off the radio or the music player. All you wanna hear is the howling engine.
Third, clear your mind.. Any foreign unwanted thought can ruin the moment.


I held the wheel firmly.. started the engine and started moving.. Wow! That feeling of the adrenaline is just AMAZING. And it increases as the speed increases. As usual, I hear nothing but the roaring engine.. and the wind!
"Get a life, son!" That little sound interrupted my harmony..
I gotta get rid of that sound.. More speed! More speeeeeeed!


Ah, yes! The wind playing through my shabby hair, just like my mom when I used to lay my head on her lap as a kid... I haven't been good to mom lately..
What's with this conscience court? What's wrong with me?
MORE SPEEEEED!
Now, all the people turned into ghosts with colourfuls halos. I could see all the light in front of me in straight lines meeting at a black point, right there in the middle.


Everything is very... hazy.. Where's the engine's sound? Where's the wind?


I tried to concentrate.. with the noise around me.. I heard feet .. coming closer.. and closer.. A hand wrapped itself around my neck. I heard a language I couldn't understand but I recognised "ambulance" and "alive".. I was trying to concentrate ... but at this point ... it was of no use... 


I'm so sorry Mom! I love you!